a brand new life. a new start.
i take every apportunity as a brand new start. no matter how hard life is, it still goes on. and there's no better reason to not continue and give up.
i was jurong east mrt station when i saw it with my own eyes, that an old couple, probably in their late 50s, using the Ez-link machine, not topping their cards, but getting the deposit of the one-time used ez-link card. and its not just 1 card, they got a bag full of it. it strike me, times are so bad now that ppl are doing all ways to put food on their table. these ppl aren't giving up. why should i? why should we? we've all come this far, live this far, just to give up when we see blocks and blocks of thick hard walls in front of us? impossible. life is too short to not enjoy breaking the walls and going thru it without struggling.
im still the same.. still believing the same.. "no matter what, i must not give up."

at the end of the day, it's always me myself and i. how many will actually stay? they have their life to live. and often words of comfort always come, but is that really wad we want? so at the end of each day, i always tell myself its okay to be alone, it's okay to cry, it's okay when noone sees your pain, it's okay when noone believe and trust, it's okay when noone understands, cuz as long as i lived, i understand that everyone has their life to live on and i understand that wadever problems i faced, it's my problem and i have to learn to solve it myself, so it's really okay to not have anyone by my side when im having my worst days. because i'm tired. i'm tired of wanting and hoping that there'll be someone holding me when im shivering with fear, someone who's there to wipe my tears, or even there to share my joy and laughters. i am tired. cuz noone stays. noone stays till the end. 

it's not just a day or two. it happened forever. 

i see a problem in front of me, everyday. yet i cant help. useless. no ability to. noone knows. or did anyone try to know? i doubt so. 

"i dont believe in bestfriends" this is a title for my composition writing back in primary school, primary 2. why? give me a reason why should i? just 1 reason will do. 

i will believe when i meet one who will spend the rest of his/her life with me. until then, i dont believe in any. dont even try to make me believe.

some of us believe that "dreams do come true" but sadly, many dont. I dont.
dreams shattered for a reason - for other great things to happen, as i believed.

emotions are filling up. woman's sixth sense is always accurate. what would you do when u sense something is not rite? walk up and talk about it? ignore and pretend nothing is wrong? or flare it up? my emotions are filling up..

dont call me everyday.
dont ask me where am i and what am i doing.
dont worry about me when i am already big enough to handle things myself.
dont ask me personal questions when i dont feel like or dont even want to talk abt my personal stuffs because it's personal.
dont always think that i do not know what i am doing becus i am sure i can get things done on my own and i am also very sure that i will look for help if i cant get things done on my own.
i am no longer a baby who cries everytime i m hungry or i poo. i am no longer a toddler who is trying to learn how to walk and talk. i am not a primary school kid who fights in school just because the gal next class pull my pony tail. i am no longer a secondary school teenager who hangs out at the mall with a bunch of frens after school everyday. i am no longer a tertiary student who skip lectures and goes out late at night to party almost everyday. i am a 23 year old adult who is trying real hard to find any part time jobs before my school starts in July this year and u and me knows how difficult it is to search for jobs, and i relaly mean any jobs at this time where the times are so bad when hundreds and thousands and millions and billions of ppl are being retrenched every month around the world. i did not just sit around at home facing my laptop and do nothing. i did not go out and just walk down the street blankly. so stop asking me where am i and what am i doing. stop calling me and worrying abt me if i am having a bad time. bcuz i am telling you now that i am not and will not give up, not yet, not any minute, not even close, in finding money to be in my pocket.

and if you dont trust me to be a grown up, then dont even talk to me. bcuz i wont even wanna look at you.

i know you love and care. i just dont need it this way.

it's a nice day to rest at home =))

suppose to go for foot massage appointment with yvonne but i cancelled it. my body just dont feel right to go out. 4 full days of standing, walking around, smiling widely and politely giving flyers to people is really really tiring.... but.. fun =)) yes the IT show is over and i've bought my macbook !! =)) 

some important things/people in my life has come to its last chapter. i should be upset, i mean.. i AM upset, but i should be glad too. i dunno. i am feeling confused. i don't know what will happen to me tml, i dunno what should i do if chances come again, i dunno what should i do now. i seriously hope i am filled with stuffs to do to keep myself busy and not having the time to think about it. yes, i am avoiding. if only the answer could float in front of me. 

human beings are very complicated creatures, i always feel. one minute u think they are ur best of friends, ur love ones, someone whom you cant live without and so thankful that u have met them, the other minute you thought you dun know this person at all. why do one have to have so many different "faces"? yes, at different situation we have to use the correct "face" to face it, but how do ppl know it whether they are being themselves? complicated. taking advantages, taking people for granted, it is happening in every corner of our lives, should we be thinking why about it? or should we just get moving and stop being like a baby. is this called growing up and being mature or stop being childish bcuz there are more important things waiting for us to do. jealousy, many of us ignore the fact that we are jealous about others and then we talk bad abt them behind their back. gossiping is a way of release stress. many does not like it when the gossip is about them, but strangely, many likes it to be involved doing the gossiping. we are jealous of ppl who are more capable. and why cant we people divert the jealousy to some kind of energy to fight back and be as capable? we should not waste time dealing with all this. life is short. 

impresario 2009 has been a great experience for me ! yes i did not win ! hahaha but i enjoyed alot on the stage with yvonne yangce leonard and yong quan !! it was really fun !! =)) the other contestants are so good ! and i've also learnt something from each and everyone of them =)) hopefully will be able to meet them soon, they are a bunch of crazy ppl !! loves loves =)) the impresario crew are great too, all the taking care and always updating us for whats going on etc etc, although sometimes there may be some communication break downs, but we all understand that it's not easy to handle so many ppl at such a short time =)) wadever it is, thank you everyone who supported, whether its words of encouragement, physical support, those who helped and taught, or even those who criticize !! haha still a very big thank you to you guys, bcuz without you all, i wont be able to step on any stage, wont be able to look into many eyes and sing or talk, wont be able to be the me today !! so.. thank you and honestly, i love you ! =))

during the process of preparations, i have been impatient and very bad temper. i am so sorry =(( i dont mean to show anger and frustrations, please dont take it to heart ok? if there's any help you guys need, please look for me!! i'll definitely help !! =))

please dont stop the music.. continue !!!!!