刺猬 - Landy

最后一抹的微笑
在转身之后
我闭上眼哭了
仅存的一点点骄傲
华丽的外表终于丢掉
很彷徨很孤单 是寂寞或
悲惨 一个人该怎么办

像是刺猬般防范
伪装的勇敢
不轻易让你看穿
我以为可以很坦然
面对分开时不觉得伤感
然而将灯关上 一片无
声黑暗 心痛的大声呼喊
我想我没那么坚强 每个女孩其实一样
渴望着爱情的好 渴望被拥抱
却都害怕爱让人受伤
承认我没那么坚强
不过是一而再的逞强
小心将情绪收藏 比傻瓜还傻
刺猬的坚强全都是假象 哭吧

像是刺猬般防范
伪装的勇敢
不轻易让你看穿
我以为可以很坦然
面对分开时不觉得伤感
然而将灯关上 一片无
声黑暗 心痛的大声呼喊
我想我没那么坚强 每个女孩其实一样
渴望着爱情的好 渴望被拥抱
却都害怕爱让人受伤
承认我没那么坚强
不过是一而再的逞强
小心将情绪收藏 比傻瓜还
傻 刺猬的坚强全都是假象

我想我没那么坚强 每个女孩其实一样
渴望着爱情的好 渴望被拥抱
却都害怕爱让人受伤
承认我没那么坚强
不过是一而再的逞强
小心将情绪收藏 比傻瓜还傻
刺猬的坚强全都是假象 哭吧

i know.. i cant turn back the time..
i know.. wad past is past..
i know.. i should move forward..
i know.. i cant forget everything.. so i'll just keep u safely aside.. and think of u once in a while.. just like what i have been doing for the past years..

i'm sorry for thinking about u again...

it only takes a second to fall in love with someone. but it seems like it takes forever to forget one.
i was too busy to care.. too busy to look.. everytime i gets tired.. i'll stop and rest.. and everytime i do that.. i see you.. i turned around as i thought i've left something behind.. all i see is you.. you.. you.. you.... and nothing else.. why are you huanting me...
it doesnt hurt to think for others. its quite a sweet act actually. is being considerate so difficult? or is it that you aren't sensitive enough? if only every body can stop being so selfish, only thinking for themselves, the world will be a better place. there will be forever is friendships, relationships, kinships..

im lacking behind. its time to buck up. no more time left for whining.

i wish that my wishes will come true. please make my wishes come true okay? =) loves.

Whitney Houston - I Didn’t Know My Own Strength Lyrics

Lost touch with my soul


I had no where to turn


I had no where to go


Lost sight of my dream,


Thought it would be the end of me


I thought I’d never make it through


I had no hope to hold on to,


I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength


And I crashed down, and I tumbled


But I did not crumble


I got through all the pain


I didn’t know my own strength


Survived my darkest hour


My faith kept me alive


I picked myself back up


Hold my head up high


I was not built to break



I didn’t know my own strength

Found hope in my heart,


I found the light to life


My way out of the dark


Found all that I need


Here inside of me


I thought I’d never find my way


I thought I’d never lift that weight


I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength


And I crashed down, and I tumbled


But I did not crumble


I got through all the pain


I didn’t know my own strength


Survived my darkest hour


My faith kept me alive


I picked myself back up


Hold my head up high


I was not built to break


I didn’t know my own strength

There were so many times I


Wondered how I’d get through the night I


Thought took all I could take

I didn’t know my own strength


And I crashed down, and I tumbled


But I did not crumble


I got through all the pain


I didn’t know my own strength


Survived my darkest hour


My faith kept me alive


I picked myself back up


Hold my head up high

I was not built to break


I didn’t know my own strength

I was not built to break

No no


I got to know my own strength

Sometimes I wonder where I've been
Who I am
Do I fit in.
Make believin' is hard alone,
Out here on my own

We're always provin' who we are
Always reachin' for the risin' star
To guide me far
And shine me home
Out here on my own

When I'm down and feelin' blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you

Until the morning sun appears
Making light of all my fears
I dry the tears
I've never shown
Out here on my own

When I'm down and feelin' blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you

Sometimes I wonder where I've been
Who I am
Do I fit in
I may not win
But I can't be thrown
Out here on my own
On my own

I'm itching all over ! I thought it was mosquito bites, but mummy dadddy say its not ! It's just rashes =( but so itchy !! Anyway, applied medicine already. If worsen, I'll just go to the doctor, cause the itchy is unbearable !! =(

OMG! Assignments are piling up !! So many sketches to do.. so many research and development !! Think Think Think !! Draw Draw Draw !! Everyday also got new things to do Zzzz BUT IM HAPPY doing them.. :D:D It keeps me going. They say "It's okay to slow down as long as you don't stop" so.. YEA !! =))

I don't like waking up early -.- (like.. who likes???) I'm just so lazy =p

OFF TO SCHOOL !!! HUGS

I dreamt that he's back !!!!!! )= I dreamt that my Butter is back !! I miss him so much... *sigh* He has a new famliy now. I know he's well taken care of by this new family *because the new family is my friend la* =) Thanks Eric and family for taking good care of Butter. Hope everything is well for you guys =)

I just realised I'm so replaceable. I mean I know I am a long time ago la.. but its so heartbreaking to know that now... the fact is .. I've been replaced.. and the stupidest thing is.. I know it's going to happen.. AND I LET IT HAPPEN !! I don't know why too.. when I know its going to happen.. its like.. i feel useless.. nth i can do.. and I'm at that point where by I'm so tired of everything and I just don't want to care anymore. It's even more heartbreaking to know that my actions are been taken as a changed in person and bad attitude.. I mean.. I have been with these ppl for a period of time which made us go through thick and thin.. share tears and laughters together.. and yet they doesn't understand or rather.. they nv try to understand why am i behaving like that.. so.. I'm so replaceable...... I AM REPLACEABLE !!!!!!

when my world came tumbling down, you came around and shine a touch of light for me, telling me not to be afraid bcuz you'll always be around with wide open arms. you told me that's the least you can do bcuz you love me. you told me you wouldn't want to see me sad and struggling. you told me as long as im happy, you're happy too. you advise me what you think is best for me, and you'll never force me to accept it. with open ears you listened to my complains all the time and all you do is just smile. when im sick and feeling cold, you went out to buy me panadol even if its past 12midnight. you worry and try all means to make me eat when i have no appetite. you give me no reason to turn you down, and everytime i have to turn you down on something, i'll feel so bad. and the feeling gets worst when i know you are troubled and as usual, i'll feel so useless bcuz i cant help much. i used to say it when i was young.. but as i grow old.. i stop saying it..

mummy, i love you..

有时候太坚强 笑容却填不满眼眶
越是想要隐藏 歌声就唱的更响亮
直到入到心底最深处 OH~
你不要追问我 还缺了些什麽

每个人都有梦 幸福总站在最远方
心中越是渴望 越是不敢伸手拥抱
谁的心是我最後一站 OH~
我强问我自己 现在还没有个答案

我不是你想像那麽勇敢
多想让你保护能流泪一场
让我放下武装 像个孩子一样
单纯的把爱情放在你心上

每个人都有梦 幸福总站在最远方
心中越是渴望 越是不敢伸手拥抱
谁的心是我最後一站 OH~

我强问我自己 现在还没有个答案

我不是你想像那麽勇敢
多想让你保护能流泪一场
让我放下武装 像个孩子一样
单纯的把爱情放在你心上

我不是你想像总是扮演坚强
多想让你知道我也要个伴
放下讨厌武装 像个孩子一样
单纯的把爱情放在你心上
我不是你想像的那麽勇敢

not enough time.....not enough time !!!!!!

school has been..... better =) everything is getting more !!.. friends are getting more... the words we shared are getting more.... homeworks are getting more !!! it's tough for those who have to handle work and school at the same time.. like me.... boohoo !!!! especially when your work takes up so much time.. you hardly have time to do your homework.. and you have to stay up late at night to finish it.. and you may not even realised that its already 5am in the morning.. and you have to wake up in about 1 or 2 hours time.. AAAHhhh... its tough.. but i'll still hang on :D:D:D bcuz i believe that this horrible period will pass.. or rather.. be better !!! =)

my dad is well !! doctor says he's fine.. but have to rest for like 1 or 2 months for the internal wounds to fully recover. and he has stop smoking =) totally stop. i'm so happy and proud of him !! he has been smoking since he's 11 years old (about 40 over years now). and he just stop like that !! i'm very sure he feels terrible at times (thats why he is always finding for food to munch) haha which is good.. bcuz he needs all the nutrients =))

im a very kiasu person.. i shall not deny.. always wanting to aim for the best out of the best in everything every area.. giving myself unnecessary stress and pressure..
in my previous entry.. i mentioned that i felt like a piece of shyt bcuz everyone around me is like super talented.. and i look at myself in the mirror.. who am i.. wad am i made of.. wad's within me.. what am i looking for.. what do i wanna achieve.. so many questions.. so demoralized.. i still feel the same.. as in now.. still feel like shyt all the time.. i always think that i know nothing.. a very useless person.. am always not as good as others.. one day.. i was having lesson.. and lecturer asked us to draw something.. be creative and design something and explain.. i actually panicked.. i dunno wad to draw.. my mind went blank.. i look around.. everybody on the track already.. some talking disturbing each other.. some working hard on their piece of paper.. and me... looking around feeling so sian.. then it suddenly hit me.. why are these ppl so relax.. why am i thinking so much... why am i always giving myself the unnecessary stress and pressure.. why cant i just relax and stop thinking so much and just do it !! then i tell myself... this is where my confident must come in... there is no right or wrong.. others may think my work is not fantastic.. but i am and i can be confident to say that "no! i think my work is fantastic!" ..like wise.. i may think that their work isnt good.. but they think its superb! so whats there to be afraid of.. confidence confidence... your holiday is up.. its time to come back... this apply in everything in our life... whether its school, work, friends and family.. i think its all the same... dont have to think so much.. just do it and keep on moving.. bcuz time waits for noone.. dont be too hard on yourself !!! loosen up !!!!

updates... 

school is starting next monday.. although i have no idea how will it be like back to school after 3 yrs of ding-dong here and there.. im still looking forward to it.. should be exciting i guess = )

lotsa events/performance coming up for Music Clinic !! 

24th July Friday

Peter Lao Shi will be performing at VivoCity !! 

Time: 8pm-1030pm 

Venue: VIVOCITY AMPHITHEATRE, LEVEL 3 

Admission is free entry is on a first come first serve basis. Due to limit seating capacity, only the first 1,200 people will be allowed into the main amphitheatre.

25th July Saturday

Food Festival Performance by Music Clinic Students 

Venue: Central Fountain @ Clarke Quay

Time: 10pm to 10.30pm

8th August Saturday

A Night With Music Clinic !!!

Venue: Music Clinic

Time: 9pm

this is the very first time Music Clinic organize music camp for their students !! = ) there will be lotsa music related games and activities through out the entire nite !! sure gonna be fun fun and more fun !!! Music Clinic Staffs, Instructors and the Performing Artistes will all be joining in the fun !! =) 

ok.. enough of the events..

back to ME !!

life is still the same.. ups and downs here and there.. else life will be boring... but nobody likes it when the downs are here... = ( honestly.. i have not been the cheerful and bubbly mei wei lately... daddy is sick and needs operation next week.. everybody is worry especially mummy.. and this means financially will be weak everything needs money and this will make my parents more worry and headache.. = ( i feel useless bcuz financially i cant do much.. the only thing i can do is earn my own pocket money which i have been doing for the past years.. i dont earn big bucks like my sisters so as they can give a fixed amount to my parents on a monthly basis.. even if so, my sisters have their own family to feed, other expenses to take care as well.. and i still have a younger bro who is still schooling. i know.. all these are not big deals.. but its already enough for ppl to struggle.. especially my parents.... 

another thing... i feel useless bcuz.. it seems like everybody around me.. is so..... talented... its either they have a real good skill.. or their knowledge is excellent.. or they are so capable in wad they are doing... i look at myself... "what kinda shyt am i...." demoralized i feel.... i have been wondering.. if going back to school is the right choice for me... to learn something new so as to be better.. or staying as it is and try to work something out... i dunno wad's good for me as im too afriad to look what's going to happen.. courage i need.. confidence i need.. 

at times i'll wonder... if you go extra mile for ppl... all the time... is it really worth it? they may not appreciate you and tendency of them taking you for granted is indeed very high.. so is it worth it? and how to make ppl know that they should appreciate and be thankful that these ppl are willing to go the extra mile for them? saying "thank yous" are easy.. but showing them.. is it as easy? 

useless piece of shyt.......

confident confident confident !!! i need confident !!!! = (( 

life is really short. and time passes so fast. when u are aware, its already too late. so much more to learn, yet so little time. how am i going to improve. how am i going to explore and game for the challenges ahead. so many things that i wanna do, but so little time. 

little time is excuses. trying is just a noisy way of not doing something. 

3 months !! 3 months of working with a bunch of crazy and crappy ppl in a call centre is fun fun fun and more fun !! haha im going to miss evveryone of them.. going to miss every single second at work !! = ) i'm already used to 3 months of waking up early, go to work, knock off at 6pm, go home or go dinner. now.. its all back to square 1 again ! haha feel kinda lost that i dont have to wake up early for work. but !! 2 to 3 more weeks i'll be starting school !! hm.. another think to adpat to again. i guess school's gonna be fun? school is always fun ! haha apart from the work related stuffs.. this 2 to 3 months also made me a champion of the redsun pte ltd karaoke competition !! :D:D super eggcited can !! hahaha other than this competition i joined the taiwan PK and Kovan superstar too !! wahhaha and i didnt get into finals for both :D:D which i think its good enough to reach the semi-finals.. and im not a least bit disappointed bcuz i know there are lots and lots of real good singers out there !! way to go !! i got so much more to learn !! =)))))

alrite.. i hope that explains why im gone missing for so long =P till then !!! :D

for all i know, this isnt my fault. i am not going to apologise for it. if my life is meant to be this way, there's nothing i can do to avoid it or change it. as much as i hate it, there is nothing i can do !!!! so stop making things difficult for me and as if its my fault. i really dont wish things to happen this way. i tried to be hard-heart, i tried to be selfish, i tried to not think for others, i tried not to show any signs of care and concerns for anybody, i tried to be the worst fren ever and i even tried to be a horrible person !! by doing all these isnt making me feel any better, things aren't going well or as wad i wanted !! everytime i harded my heart on anyone or anything, they just keep coming. everytime i turn away from frens, they come reaching for the bottom of my heart.

i dont want to hurt anybody. if i did hurt u, i am truly sorry, i really am.

i was wrong. all this while i thought i am right. i was wrong. i must stop. stop avoiding. it's time. time to face the reality. but i'm afraid. afraid.. of so many things. so afraid.. till.. i'd rather keep everything to myself. that's when i thought i'm right. so it's a cycle. i was wrong.  

im afriad.. 

a brand new life. a new start.
i take every apportunity as a brand new start. no matter how hard life is, it still goes on. and there's no better reason to not continue and give up.
i was jurong east mrt station when i saw it with my own eyes, that an old couple, probably in their late 50s, using the Ez-link machine, not topping their cards, but getting the deposit of the one-time used ez-link card. and its not just 1 card, they got a bag full of it. it strike me, times are so bad now that ppl are doing all ways to put food on their table. these ppl aren't giving up. why should i? why should we? we've all come this far, live this far, just to give up when we see blocks and blocks of thick hard walls in front of us? impossible. life is too short to not enjoy breaking the walls and going thru it without struggling.
im still the same.. still believing the same.. "no matter what, i must not give up."

at the end of the day, it's always me myself and i. how many will actually stay? they have their life to live. and often words of comfort always come, but is that really wad we want? so at the end of each day, i always tell myself its okay to be alone, it's okay to cry, it's okay when noone sees your pain, it's okay when noone believe and trust, it's okay when noone understands, cuz as long as i lived, i understand that everyone has their life to live on and i understand that wadever problems i faced, it's my problem and i have to learn to solve it myself, so it's really okay to not have anyone by my side when im having my worst days. because i'm tired. i'm tired of wanting and hoping that there'll be someone holding me when im shivering with fear, someone who's there to wipe my tears, or even there to share my joy and laughters. i am tired. cuz noone stays. noone stays till the end. 

it's not just a day or two. it happened forever. 

i see a problem in front of me, everyday. yet i cant help. useless. no ability to. noone knows. or did anyone try to know? i doubt so. 

"i dont believe in bestfriends" this is a title for my composition writing back in primary school, primary 2. why? give me a reason why should i? just 1 reason will do. 

i will believe when i meet one who will spend the rest of his/her life with me. until then, i dont believe in any. dont even try to make me believe.

some of us believe that "dreams do come true" but sadly, many dont. I dont.
dreams shattered for a reason - for other great things to happen, as i believed.

emotions are filling up. woman's sixth sense is always accurate. what would you do when u sense something is not rite? walk up and talk about it? ignore and pretend nothing is wrong? or flare it up? my emotions are filling up..

dont call me everyday.
dont ask me where am i and what am i doing.
dont worry about me when i am already big enough to handle things myself.
dont ask me personal questions when i dont feel like or dont even want to talk abt my personal stuffs because it's personal.
dont always think that i do not know what i am doing becus i am sure i can get things done on my own and i am also very sure that i will look for help if i cant get things done on my own.
i am no longer a baby who cries everytime i m hungry or i poo. i am no longer a toddler who is trying to learn how to walk and talk. i am not a primary school kid who fights in school just because the gal next class pull my pony tail. i am no longer a secondary school teenager who hangs out at the mall with a bunch of frens after school everyday. i am no longer a tertiary student who skip lectures and goes out late at night to party almost everyday. i am a 23 year old adult who is trying real hard to find any part time jobs before my school starts in July this year and u and me knows how difficult it is to search for jobs, and i relaly mean any jobs at this time where the times are so bad when hundreds and thousands and millions and billions of ppl are being retrenched every month around the world. i did not just sit around at home facing my laptop and do nothing. i did not go out and just walk down the street blankly. so stop asking me where am i and what am i doing. stop calling me and worrying abt me if i am having a bad time. bcuz i am telling you now that i am not and will not give up, not yet, not any minute, not even close, in finding money to be in my pocket.

and if you dont trust me to be a grown up, then dont even talk to me. bcuz i wont even wanna look at you.

i know you love and care. i just dont need it this way.

it's a nice day to rest at home =))

suppose to go for foot massage appointment with yvonne but i cancelled it. my body just dont feel right to go out. 4 full days of standing, walking around, smiling widely and politely giving flyers to people is really really tiring.... but.. fun =)) yes the IT show is over and i've bought my macbook !! =)) 

some important things/people in my life has come to its last chapter. i should be upset, i mean.. i AM upset, but i should be glad too. i dunno. i am feeling confused. i don't know what will happen to me tml, i dunno what should i do if chances come again, i dunno what should i do now. i seriously hope i am filled with stuffs to do to keep myself busy and not having the time to think about it. yes, i am avoiding. if only the answer could float in front of me. 

human beings are very complicated creatures, i always feel. one minute u think they are ur best of friends, ur love ones, someone whom you cant live without and so thankful that u have met them, the other minute you thought you dun know this person at all. why do one have to have so many different "faces"? yes, at different situation we have to use the correct "face" to face it, but how do ppl know it whether they are being themselves? complicated. taking advantages, taking people for granted, it is happening in every corner of our lives, should we be thinking why about it? or should we just get moving and stop being like a baby. is this called growing up and being mature or stop being childish bcuz there are more important things waiting for us to do. jealousy, many of us ignore the fact that we are jealous about others and then we talk bad abt them behind their back. gossiping is a way of release stress. many does not like it when the gossip is about them, but strangely, many likes it to be involved doing the gossiping. we are jealous of ppl who are more capable. and why cant we people divert the jealousy to some kind of energy to fight back and be as capable? we should not waste time dealing with all this. life is short. 

impresario 2009 has been a great experience for me ! yes i did not win ! hahaha but i enjoyed alot on the stage with yvonne yangce leonard and yong quan !! it was really fun !! =)) the other contestants are so good ! and i've also learnt something from each and everyone of them =)) hopefully will be able to meet them soon, they are a bunch of crazy ppl !! loves loves =)) the impresario crew are great too, all the taking care and always updating us for whats going on etc etc, although sometimes there may be some communication break downs, but we all understand that it's not easy to handle so many ppl at such a short time =)) wadever it is, thank you everyone who supported, whether its words of encouragement, physical support, those who helped and taught, or even those who criticize !! haha still a very big thank you to you guys, bcuz without you all, i wont be able to step on any stage, wont be able to look into many eyes and sing or talk, wont be able to be the me today !! so.. thank you and honestly, i love you ! =))

during the process of preparations, i have been impatient and very bad temper. i am so sorry =(( i dont mean to show anger and frustrations, please dont take it to heart ok? if there's any help you guys need, please look for me!! i'll definitely help !! =))

please dont stop the music.. continue !!!!!

Mei Wei wanna thank all who came to support her on sunday, 8th feb !!! thank you all so much !!! :D:D:D:D:D:D I am so touched !! really !! and very happy that i made it to the finals !! yea yea yea !!! =))

whether i'll win anot i guess it really doesnt matter.. having 1 more chance to stand on the stage and perform is all i am asking for !! =))

these are the ppl i wanna thank personally !!!
yvonne, leonard, ryan, yu quan, janet, tommy, yong quan, my family !!! thank you SO MUCH for coming down to support !! man ting, eric, zheng peng, zech, wei qian, sean, gou rong, thank you for all the smses !! for those that i've left out.. ahaha thank you so much la !!! loves loves.. loves u guys to pieces !! HUGS

i am tired. all these are draining my energy away. but i enjoy it, love it. no matter how dreadful it is, no matter how tired it will made me be, i am very sure i will continue wad i am doing =)) music keeps me alive. being part of it makes me feel wonderful ! choose work you love and you will never have to work a day in your life ! why shouldnt life be about doing wad u love? if you dont enjoy wad u are doing, how can you be really good at it??? i enjoy wad i am doing now, and i will find rooms for more improvements ! never stop learning ! =))

I don't understand...
I don't understand why !!!

I don't understand why human beings are such complicated creatures.
I don't understand how WE human beings' mind and heart work.
One minute you said NO, the other minute you said YES!
Now you are so freaking angry, the next moment you are laughing your hearts out !!!

Please.. emo-monster leave me alone!!

Just when I thought everything is back to where it SHOULD be, you trigger me again.

This is not about you, not about me, not about anybody !!! Things just happen..

I'm just a nobody..

Omg, It's been such a loooooooooooong time since my last update *bleah* Sorry for not updating !! Don't think there's anyone who read my blog too =P

Anyway, quick update !!

Year 2008 is a big change for me!! Big change, great challange, met lots of new ppl and family bond is getting stronger!! =)) I love challanges, but it is very tiring fighting every obstacles I met. Friends come and go, some stay, some left, nevertheless, I love you all the same!! Bcuz without you, my life wont be complete. Family !! many things happen, both unhappy and happy stuffs, shall not list them down, I'm glad it all happened, cuz it brought all of us together.

This year !! Year of the Ox, Year 2009 !! I am going to fight all the way and never give up ! Just like what i've planned for myself last year, this year is no different too !! "No matter what, I will not give up !!" Since I've decided to go for study, I shall work hard and not disappoint those who supported me, and shall not let those who thinks i will not make it be true !! This year is going to be another tough year for me, for everybody. Let's all jia you and fight through this year ! Next year will be a good year for everybody !!! =))